Dear Dr. Debbie,
My twin five-year-olds sometimes spend a few hours at my mom’s house. I just started leaving the little one with her, too. He’s eighteen-months-old. She said she spent this first visit with him chasing after him and shutting bedroom and bathroom doors. How can I convince her to put some baby toys back out so he’s not tempted to open all her drawers and cabinets? When the girls were little, Grandma’s living room looked like a childcare center with plenty of toys on the lower bookshelves. As they grew out of these toys, the shelves filled back in with grown-up books and knick knacks. In the last year or two, most of her visits with my daughters have been spent at the playground down the block. Unfortunately, it’s not really designed for toddlers. If I don’t pack several toys to go with him, I’m afraid my son will have nothing to play with.
Where Are The Toys?
—
Dear WATT,
It very well may be that Grandma is in an adjustment phase. Historically speaking, the twins may have been welcome to come play as much as possible while the pandemic was limiting Grandma’s other social connections. She may now prefer that her home appeal to adult visitors once again. Empathy and compromise are in order.
Grandma’s home needn’t revert back to playland, however there are easy ways to accommodate a toddler’s need to learn about his world and to be enjoyed by the people in it. Here are some specific activities that your mother might offer when the grandchildren are visiting:
Play in the Kitchen
The kitchen floor makes a nice play space if the lowest cabinet shelves and drawers hold tantalizing objects to explore. Here’s a potential list of toddler-safe items that are already in the room: plastic measuring cups and measuring spoons, lightweight aluminum cans (e.g., tuna fish), wooden crab mallets, wooden spoons, oven mitts and pot holders, plastic leftover boxes, empty yogurt cups (if lidded they stack, if not they nest!), smaller aluminum pots and pans, and plastic bowls of all sizes.
Grandma or one of the sisters could sit on the floor with Little Brother as he plays to keep him focused on the fun things that are available here for him.
If there’s a table in the area, one or both twins could be coloring nearby. Or they could be helping Grandma prepare snacks for everyone. (Toddlers are constantly hungry!)
The little one can certainly help to prepare food, too. A potato masher can turn (pre-peeled) hard-boiled eggs into egg salad as a steadier hand spoons in the mayonnaise and mustard for him.
A crinkle cutter is a good tool for a toddler to use for making smaller pieces out of fruit – banana, apple, pear, or cantaloupe. A butter knife works well, too, for soft fruits and for guided cutting of dough into crackers if Grandma enjoys baking.
Everybody Dance
Any room in the house has the potential to be a dancing room if there’s a clear space free of breakables and sharp corners. If the floor is slick, keep your shoes on or dance barefoot. Remind Grandma that she has an opportunity to share her favorite genres and musical artists to cultivate fans into the future. (Hint: tell her which of her known favorites her granddaughters were singing in the car on a recent ride home.)
Toddlers usually don’t need much encouragement to bop to a good beat, but if Grandma and the girls want to add some flair to the activity, scarves can accentuate the dancers’ movements. Small trash bins can be turned over to be drums. If there are lyrics to sing along with, a hair brush or similarly shaped object serves as a pretend microphone.
Snuggle Up and Read
Could you ask Grandma to keep a few picture books on the (lowest) living room shelf? Books don’t take up much space and would certainly look like they belong there if her other books (and knick knacks) are kept out of the baby’s reach on higher shelves. Otherwise, you could easily pack a couple of current favorites for the children to enjoy when they visit with Grandma.
She needn’t worry about your son causing damage to a book if his selection is limited to board books – brilliantly invented to foster a love of reading from very early in life. They’re (nearly) indestructible. For snuggle up reading time with more “advanced” books, Grandma or a big sister would be carefully turning the paper pages.
Read-aloud booklists abound on the internet. You can also get recommendations from the children’s librarians at public libraries. The best picture books not only have captivating characters and plots, they are illustrated to appeal to young children. Your little one may be fascinated by some of the stories that the five-year-olds enjoy hearing over and over again. Then again, the twins might want to “read” the words (with help from the pictures) of the books they know by heart. He may squirm away before the story is over, preferring to be busy with the “toys” in the kitchen, but even with a few minutes at a time, he’s still getting the benefit that books bring to brain development.
With a few simple accommodations, time spent between the generations can be enjoyable for everyone.
Dr. Debbie
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum.
On Sunday, April 28, the museum is celebrating Children’s Day, a Mexican Holiday with free activities including pony rides and a petting zoo from Wild Kid Acres, live music with Cantaré, and food from Antojitos La Mexicana.
The museum is open daily from 10 am to 4 pm. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Times with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet are on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
Family Yoga is offered on Sunday mornings at 9:30 am with advance registration.
Read more of Dr. Wood’s Good Parenting columns by clicking here.