Dear Dr. Debbie,
I have a two-year-old and five-year-old. Lately I’ve been feeling very unfulfilled. The daily routines are just that – routine. I work part-time but not in the field I chose as my major in college. My husband is supportive of the idea that I pick up where I left off to finish my degree and, by the time both children are in elementary school, maybe go on to graduate school.
My mother did this and to be honest it felt like we kids were neglected at times. I expect there will be some challenges for my family, but should I go for it?
Back to School at 30?
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Dear BS at 30,
There are plenty of arguments against this plan. All of which can be counter-argued.
“It costs too much.”
Yes, it does. Fortunately, this is such a common barrier that systems are well in place for financial assistance. Some employers have higher education funds for their workers. Work/study arrangements are available in many fields, such that you pay off tuition from a job placement through the school. You may be able to “test out” of some college courses through independent study and gain credit by examination at minimal cost. Community college credits cost less than university credits. An advisor can guide you toward credits you can later apply toward a university degree.
Every college and university has a financial aid office. They have information on scholarships and loans offered by all kinds of organizations and foundations. You don’t necessarily have to be academically accomplished, artistically gifted, nor athletically talented. It may be a matter of age, gender, race, ethnic background, or your parent’s occupation. You may have to write an essay, submit a portfolio, get written recommendations, and or furnish an interview. If you have the initiative that it takes to go to school as an adult, you can successfully pursue financial aid.
“I don’t have child care.”
This is an obvious obstacle for a parent, particularly for evening classes. With your husband committed to this pursuit, be sure to work your class and homework time around his availability. However, there must be back-ups for the inevitable conflicts. Sometimes Dad can’t leave work to get home on time. Sometimes there’s a review session offered before class. What sitters do you have “on call” as needed? Cultivate a reliable list of willing relatives, responsible teens, and parents of your children’s friends as part of your preparations. You might budget your time to return childcare for friends who also need time away from their children.
“There’s no time to study.”
You may wonder how you could possibly add another chore to your list. Time management is an essential skill for parents and students. If they’re not already enrolled in early childhood programs this is your best bet for reliable time for yourself with direct benefits for the children.
Work around your children’s sleep schedule by hitting the books when they hit the sheets or be the early bird that catches quiet time in the morning before anyone else gets up. When your little ones are old enough to have homework of their own, you may be able to have a family homework time: structure a daily period at the dining room table, with ready reference materials and supplies on hand.
“My brain has gone to mush.”
A common fear among returning students is that you have lost the ability to learn, especially if you are returning after a few years of sleepless nights and speaking in two word sentences.
Academic skills are like any other ability. With use these skills can and do return.
“It’ll take so long to finish.”
A four-year bachelor’s degree, usually 120 credits or about 40 courses, takes four years to complete as a full time student. Going part-time is the answer for busy parents. Yes, you will be (fill in the blank) years old by the time you finish, but would you rather be (fill in the blank) years old and still not have your degree? Find the pace that suits you. Start with one course per semester if that feels comfortable. It may seem endless when you begin, but there is light and contentment at the end of the tunnel.
“My family will suffer.”
Support and encouragement are essential for any difficult undertaking. When you are struggling with an incomprehensible textbook, a demanding professor, and competition for reference materials at the university library, you don’t need enemies in your own camp. Those who depend on you will make sacrifices themselves. Help them see the long-term gain for the present cost of Mommy’s time. Self-improvement is a legitimate end in itself. The prospect of greater knowledge, improved skills, and enhanced earning potential may convince them that the effort is worthwhile. Once they see the glow of satisfaction as you follow your dreams, they may be inspired to be life-long learners themselves.
So what are you waiting for?
Find out what is offered, when, where, and for how much. Remember that online options have expanded considerably since the pandemic.
There may never be a perfect time to tackle that unfinished degree. Even with a well-considered plan, surrounded by support, you will face challenges. If this is not the perfect time to fit college back into your life, is it a pretty good time?
Don’t let another semester go by waiting and wondering.
Dr. Debbie
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum.
The museum is open daily from 10 am to 4 pm. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Times with Mrs. Spears are on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
Read more of Dr. Wood’s Good Parenting columns by clicking here.