Dear Dr. Debbie,
We got a warning today that our 2 ½-year-old had bitten another child. The teachers won’t tell us who was bitten, so there’s no way to apologize to the other parents. I hate to think what might happen if we lose this spot for childcare!
Mortified
Dear Mortified,
First of all, unless biting is an ongoing problem, it’s not a reason to dismiss a child from childcare. It’s actually a very common phenomenon at this age with several possible, and completely normal, age-related reasons.
Frustration with Words
Language ability is increasing rapidly although it’s still tough to put requests and feelings into words. A two-year-old needs close supervision around other children because of this. The teeth sometimes express what the nerves and muscles involved in articulation can’t quite get out fast enough. “You’re too close to me.” “I need that truck!” “I don’t like what you said.”
Arrange some playdates at which you can monitor your child’s interactions with a playmate. You’ll be able to catch the moment that her words are needed so you can fill them in for her. “Can you scootch over a bit? She needs a little more room.” “Here’s another dump truck. Now each of you has one.” “I think you were you saying, ‘Maybe the blocks will fall.’ You weren’t calling her a baby.”
Parallel Play
From about eighteen months to three-years-old, the most desirable toy in the room is the one in another child’s hands. This is a normal phase of social development in which a child first starts to see herself as being a child – like those she sees around her. (Prior to this she thought she was the center of the universe.) The thought process is – there’s a child having fun with a truck. I’m a child. I could be having fun with a truck.
With this understanding, it’s best to do activities with two-year-olds that don’t involve any objects, such as moving like animals or dancing together, or to have one object per child as with multiple trucks. A child under the age of three can’t wait for a turn, nor can she easily hand over what she has just because another child wants it.
Teething Pain
The so-called two-year-old molars make their appearance around this time. This can be a weeks-long process with pushing and receding teeth making their painful way through the gums. Growth in teeth and bones is more likely during sleep. So add interrupted sleep to the picture and you can see why this child may be more irritable than usual.
Treat the teething pain with advice from the pediatrician or a pediatric dentist. Typical recommendations include freezing a damp washcloth for your child to chew on. Think of soft cold foods such as chilled watermelon and banana smoothies. And give extra cuddles and lower demands on her for getting along with others while she’s so grumpy.
Attention!
It is important to not overreact to a biter, otherwise a child quickly learns to associate biting with attention from an adult. Instead give comfort to the wounded child, redirect the play and stay close to prevent another bite.
It’s okay to shower positive attention on a child as part of your daily interactions just because you’re happy to have her in your life. It’s also a preventive technique to reduce, or even eliminate, misbehavior. A child who bites may be simply craving attention – she really cannot comprehend that the biting victim has been hurt – so proactively give her plenty of positive attention.
Take heart that this is usually a brief phase as communication skills and social skills continue to develop.
Dr. Debbie
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist www.drdebbiewood.com and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum www.theccm.org.
The museum is open daily from 10 am to 4 pm. Online reservations are available https://www.theccm.org/event-details/purchase-tickets-in-advance or call: 410-990-1993. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Times with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet are on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
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