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Dear Dr. Debbie,
I’m the grandmother of a three-year-old whose single mom, my daughter, badly needs a break. They live out of state and I still work, so the best we’ve come up with is that I find local childcare for my granddaughter for about a week and take on the role of working parent. I can probably work from home for two of these days, but, I’d still be working.
Could This Work?
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Dear CTW,
You don’t mention how attached this little girl is to you, but let’s assume she’s been overnight at your home and enjoys being with you. A week is a long time in the life of a three-year-old, so let’s be sure this arrangement works to provide her with the emotional security that is very much needed at this age.
Childcare Options
If this little one is already used to going to a full day preschool or childcare center, she’d probably be fine with a one-week session of a day camp. It would be best if there were potential friends to make, so check that there would be other children who also wouldn’t know anyone else. (Children in an on-going year-round program would already have established friendships that might be difficult to break into.) The camp counselors at one-week-at-a-time programs expect to help all the children to make friends as well as to provide a warm welcome and attentive nurturing to all the campers. Your granddaughter wouldn’t be the only “one-week” camper there.
The Chesapeake Family Camp Directory lists some day camp opportunities for three-year-olds in sports, theater, and music. Additionally many preschool / private school / childcare programs have registration for part-day or full-day programs for a week at a time in the summer. Such programs usually have themes for each week along with typical preschool activities. Since you’re not the legal guardian, registration would need to be obtained by your daughter even though you might be paying for the camp.
Look for Facebook pages for childcare in Anne Arundel County to find posts from centers as well as nannies and family childcare providers. A nanny would work in your home, possibly taking your granddaughter on outings, and possibly bringing her own child along. (Note that nanny services do not fall under licensing in Maryland, so get reliable references.) A family childcare provider may have up to 8 children ranging in age from infants to school-age, so you’d be looking for one that has at least one potential playmate close in age to your granddaughter. A nanny or family childcare provider would offer a closer connection with the caregiver than a day camp can, literally in reassuring snuggles as needed.
Full Attention
Use time before the visit to get yourself, your home, and your calendar ready. Lighten your work obligations as best as you can to be able to totally focus on your granddaughter during your “off” hours and just in case you’re needed during your workday, too. Working parents are expected to retrieve a sick child and take her home when called. Have your daughter prepare documents and copies of health insurance information to allow you to take your granddaughter to a medical professional if needed.
Ask mom for details about the bedtime routine, food preferences, and current interests. Ask about any behavior concerns and come to an agreement about how you’ll approach these.
Shop ahead for easy-to-prepare groceries. Check your inventory of crayons and paper. Put out some toys and books that your granddaughter might enjoy. Put away anything that could be a hazard or temptation for an active and curious three-year-old.
Schedule an outing or two to the public library, the zoo, a park, or a children’s museum. Look for any special events at these and other places that would appeal to the two of you.
Think of home-based activities, too. Do you like to bake? craft? garden? watercolor? birdwatch? Your granddaughter might take interest in some of the things that you like to do. Your time together this summer could be the start of a shared hobby for years to come.
Mommy Connection
Work with your granddaughter’s attachment to her mother to keep it strong while they’re apart. It would be best to have a regularly scheduled video call at dinner time or in the morning for a quick hello between them. (Bedtime is not recommended since the little one’s energy level will be shutting down, potentially allowing her emotions to overcome her.) A physical connection to her mother and her home could be in the form of a stuffed animal or a bracelet that goes everywhere with her. (The stuffed animal can stay in your car for safe keeping during day camp.)
Mom is going to benefit from video visits with her daughter, too, which in turn, helps the child know that everything is great. Mom’s enthusiastic interest in the three-year-old’s new friends and adventures will become internalized as, “Mom is glad I’m having a good time at Grandma’s”. This encourages the three-year-old to continue to pursue her independence from her mother by holding her in her heart. This is one benefit of a strong parent-child attachment.
Also check in with Mom at your lunch break or another time to give her positive reports and happy photos of how her daughter’s world is expanding with new experiences and skills. If anything concerning comes up – such as a weepy drop off at camp or bad dreams in the middle of the night – let Mom know how you handled it and brainstorm together what, if anything, you might do differently.
Local Resources for Mommy
This special week might be all your daughter needs to recharge herself for single motherhood. However, rather than waiting a full year for her next respite, she could benefit in the interim from resources in her own community. See if there’s a local parenting publication and or website she can tap into. There she may find various agencies and non-profit organizations that provide information, social connections, family activities, material resources – food, clothing, furniture, and other needs for single parents as well as all families. In our state, Maryland Family Network provides not only listings of childcare openings but services such as Parent Cafés which are facilitated discussions to boost the protective factors necessary for families to thrive.
Protective factors can include a well-rounded combination of supportive friends, community resources, and if it works out, a week-long visit between an adventurous granddaughter and her loving grandmother.
Dr. Debbie
Deborah Wood, Ph.D. is a child development specialist and founding director of Chesapeake Children’s Museum.
The museum is open daily from 10 am to 4 pm. Online reservations are available or call: 410-990-1993. Each Thursday there is a guided nature walk at 10:30 am. Art and Story Times with Mrs. Spears and Puppy the Puppet are on Monday mornings at 10:30 am.
Read more of Dr. Wood’s Good Parenting columns by clicking here.